You know you're a pageant queen when:
You know the difference between a crown and a tiara
When you watch a coronation on television,
you can guess the diameter and height of the crown.
You have 10 crowns collecting dust in your attic, and 30 more in a glass showcase in your living room.
You own 2 pairs of taupe leather pumps.
You have won a swimsuit competition thanks to glue.
You think 5-inch acrylic heels go with everything.
You always stand in model stance.
Your coach has never caught a football.
You have every issue of Pageantry magazine, but have never bought a single copy.
Diet Coke is the breakfast of champions.
You watch a televised pageant and have the winner, and all four runner-ups picked from introductions.
You have a platform, but have never stood on it.
You have practiced your "winning reaction" in the mirror.
You paid more for your evening gown than for your car.You know the names and home states of the last ten Miss Americas and the current Miss America's Outstanding Teen.
You postponed your wedding due to a pageant.
You do your modeling routine in your sleep.
Your western wear doesn't include jeans.
You consider a week long pageant short.
Your wedding party consisted of fellow contestants.
You have been serenaded on stage by a gay man in a tuxedo.
Your headshot looks like an oil painting.
You have an oil painting... of yourself, in your sash and crown.
You have a runway in your garage.
Your teeth aren't just white, they are porcelain.
You have been winning photo contests since the age of 3.
Three suitcases for a vacation is considered "packing light."
You have perfected "elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist."
You have bought an entire competition wardrobe at a trunk show.
You have been in more parades than Mickey Mouse.
You have an entire scrapbook dedicated to each one of your titles.
You have seen every pageant movie ever made.
Your Christmas cards are autographed headshots of yourself.
Your hair stylist, dentist, trainer, and coach are on speed dial.
You consider RHINESTONES to be a girl's best friend.
You have actually "practiced" how to walk, in hour-long sessions.
You've used so much FakeBake that it has permanently dyed your skin.
You think a rabbit gets to eat better food than you do.
Everything you own has glitter or rhinestones on it somewhere.
You need hairspray like you need food and water.
You carry around your "pageant box" that has all of your basic pageant needs everywhere you go.
You have two "best friends" that always stick with you during a pageant, and I don't mean human friends!
You have a wardrobe of swimsuits that have never seen water.
You have "casual" earrings with enough sparkle to blind someone.
You can change clothes from head to toe faster than Superman.
You enjoy seeing the look on someone's face when you mention 'butt glue'
You really do want world peace
